Return and Report: Race for the Cure

On Saturday, 10/1 my Mom & I ran in Charlotte's Race for the Cure.
That race is so fun and so well organized.  We both really look forward to it every year.
This is my 2nd 5k this year, and I'm really happy with how my time has improved.  My first mile was 13 minutes!  I couldn't believe that one!!  Miles 2 & 3 were 16 minutes so our time was just over 46 minutes for the 5k.  I was really hoping to be under 45 minutes but I guess that will have to happen in my next race.  We hit the 3 mile mark before 45 minutes so I'm pretty happy with that.  Stupid .1 mile that screwed up my time!  Also, I got a little thirsty and gulped water at the last water station (just before mile 3) and let's just say that running up that last hill with a tummy full of water wasn't fun at all.  Not. at. all.

My new big addiction though is spinning.  There are some pretty amazing instructors at the gym we go to and I find myself not only looking forward to spinning but scheduling my days three days a week to make sure I'm at the gym by 8:30am so I can get a bike and spin.  Wow, how times have changed, huh? I've also started taking the body pump classes which are very very good for me but leave me very very very sore.
Unfortunately though I'm stalled at about 18lbs of weight lost.  I'm going to need to refocus on cutting carbs but that is just no fun!

Unbelievably insulting

I'm on the treadmill today for week 7 day 1 of Couch to 5k.

I'm running for 25 minutes.

While I'm running the woman on the treadmill next to me signals for my attention.  She's older, maybe late 40s or early 50s.  She's been on her ipad walking on the treadmill since I got on mine.  She's been playing on Facebook and checking email, so sort of putzing around.  

When she catches my attention I've been running for about 15 minutes.  I'd actually just slowed to a walk because I had a cramp in my back that was making it impossible to breathe.  I took out my earbud and said, "I'm sorry, what was that?"

She said: "You have a lot of stamina... for someone... well... you know... like you."

How does one even respond to something like that?

I just said, "okay thanks" and focused on getting that cramp out of my back and picked up my run again after walking for two minutes.

I completed my 25 minute run, was thrilled to have run two miles in less than 30 minutes (including a 5 minute warm up so I kept a decent pace going) and made my way to get my kids out of the childwatch.

She came at me again.

"Um, can I talk to you again for a second?"

"Okay"

"Back there, I didn't mean to, I mean, I wasn't trying to be insulting.  It's just that I have a friend who is very overweight too and she isn't doing anything to help herself and you obviously are and she has a lot of health problems and it just is so sad when people who are heavy don't exercise but you're heavy and you are exercising and that's just really great, and boy I bet you wish I would just stop talking now but I just wanted to say that you know, I mean, it seems like you're working really hard because you're really sweating and your face is all red and..."

At this point I'm walking down the stairs incredulous that this grown woman continues flapping her gums, each word more insulting than the next

"and I mean, it's just that, you know, I was just trying to tell you you're doing a good job and it's not easy being heavy and you know, gosh, I"m just making it worse and you're probably ready for me to walk away."

I go to the car to get our pool gear and she keeps going, still talking but I have mercifully closed my ears and I don't hear anything she's saying.

You know what, I get it.  I am overweight.  I do struggle on my runs.  Running is hard, even at my incredibly slow pace.  13 minute miles won't win any races but you know what, it's the best I can do right now dammit so back off. 

There are plenty of people around me, friends, family, acquaintance who know I am watching what I eat and that I'm working out.  I go to the gym 6 days a week and exercise for a minimum of 45 minutes.  I know I have a lot of weight to lose.  Guess what folks, this has been a lifelong battle.  It started for me in the 6th grade when, upon seeing a very very fat woman walking near our school, John Schilling looked at me and said "you're going to look like her if you don't stop gaining weight." In high school I overheard two guys saying (one of whom I had a huge crush on ) that I would be so pretty if I wasn't so fat.  In college a guy friend's mom said she would want me to date her son except I was so heavy and didn't wear enough make up.  

I weighed 145lbs for both the high school and college comments (less in middle school, guessing around 130).  

145 pounds.  Today that's what I aspire to.  And today I have well meaning people around me saying they know "it's hard" when they haven't ever faced comments like these, had this much weight to lose or dealt with both under-active thyroid and PCOS both conspiring together to make losing a single ounce a major feat but gaining 10 pounds something that can be done overnight.

I grew up in a house where weight was a constant issue, diet was a constant topic of conversation.  It's exhausting and mentally, emotionally and spiritually draining.  

I am who I am no matter what the number on the scale says.

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  Very few people chose to be overweight.  We get that way through a series of choices, one after another until finally here we are, overweight and unhealthy.  Some people don't care.  Some people see the folly in their choices and try to break bad habits, make new ones and change things.  The fact is though, wherever you are in your life's journey, having family, friends and ladies on the next treadmill over be so insulting is a kick in the flabby gut.

I wish I had come up with a snappy comeback beyond "okay."

I wish I'd told her to mind her own business and get back to Facebook.

I wish I'd challenged her to a race.

All I can hope for now is that she'll know that her comments were unwelcome, unhelpful and hurtful and maybe next time she's next to a fatty out-running her on the treadmill she'll pick up her own pace and keep her mouth shut.

I'm a runner

At least, that's what the coach's voice at the end of today's 20-minute run told me.  I know 20 minutes isn't super long but I ran the whole time without stopping to walk.  I've known for a couple of weeks now that this run was coming.  The longest I'd run to this point was 8 minutes, then walk 3 then run another 8.  I was nervous about this morning, almost as if I was in a race.  I wanted to do it.  I wanted that accomplishment.  I didn't want to let myself down.

It was harder mentally than physically, though make no mistake I was breathing very hard at the end there.  With 8 minutes left I was ready to give up.  But I'd already run 12 minutes so there was no way I was going to let myself stop.  I ended up speeding up.  I changed my speed a little every minute.  Sometimes I'd go at 5.0 mph, sometimes 4.7 sometimes 4.3,  I just wasn't going to give up.

I didn't give up.

At the end of the run the app coach came on and said something to the effect of "you just ran for 20 straight minutes.  You are a runner now." I wanted to cheer out loud and would have except, you know, the breathing.

Tonight I'm a little sore but I'm very happy to have dug deep and found the strength to hang on until the finish.

Sucks to your Asth-mar!

I've had asthma since I was just eight-years-old.  I took medicine for it for just a little while and have had a rarely-used rescue inhaler around ever since.  On the off-chance that I have a flare it's usually stress or allergy induced.
I'm having a major flare this weekend which I'm guessing is hot-weather and heavy-exercise induced.
We took today as a down-day but I plan to be back on the treadmill tomorrow.  Why is it that when you exercise you're not instantly thin and healthy?
In the mean time I have spent time getting crafty again (finally!).  I'm going to work on a fancy-schmancy blog with pictures to post on Wednesday.

Streetlight 5K

First 5k of 2011 is in the record books!
Wow, what exactly was I thinking?  I'm on week three of the "Couch to 5K" training application on my iPhone.  So why did I think I'd just zip through this one tonight?  I guess because at "Race for the Cure" there are so many people and a lot of them walk the 3.1 miles.  A much smaller, city-sponsored race is for people who, well, race.  Where were the slow, heavyset people who were out there to try and have fun, get a t-shirt and work on fitness?  Oh, I guess I was the only one.  Nice.
So, I didn't finish dead last.  I was in the bottom 10.  Easily.  My final time wasn't too shabby though at 49:57.  I mean, come on, I struggle to run 5.0 miles per hour for 3 minutes on the treadmill at the gym.  I was hoping to finish at 47 and thinking there would be a lot of 20-minute-milers walking.  Nope.  None.  Gah!
I will say that 3/4 of a mile into the race BOTH of my feet went numb.  By 2 miles my right leg was numb from my foot to almost my knee.  I'll be going for a shoe assessment and fitting post haste as I'm going to keep doing these 5ks.  I think I could have easily been 2 or 3 minutes faster if my feet weren't totally numb for most of the race.
Long-term goal: I'd like to do a 34 - 36 minute 5k.  Short term I'd like to improve my time with each race even if it's just by a second.  There is a run at our zoo that's in August then the Race for the Cure again in October and tons of runs around Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I want to keep at it because I genuinely do feel better being active and these races are great motivation.
So Monday morning I'll be back at the gym, slogging away on the treadmill doing my C25K training.  I'll just get to do it wearing my new race shirt.

Thursday weigh-in

Have you missed my weigh-in reports?
Yea, well, I hate the scale.
This week.  -1.8 lbs.
But I'm still gigantic, so let's not get excited.
Let's get excited, instead, that we've joined a gym!  We joined initially for their pools, which are outdoor and awesome.  I don't really know how to do summer without a pool and so I've been incredibly happy.  When we joined I made it very clear to the family that I was joining for the pool and that the fact that they have gym equipment was nice but I just wasn't going to use it.
Well, they also have 2 hours of free child care and I've got those 5K and 10K goals.
So I've been exercising for more than an hour every day. 
Yep, that's right.
I'm feeling really good too.
I've signed up for a 5k next week and I think I'll do one at our local zoo in August then I'll do Race for the Cure in October.  I'm struggling to find a local 10k, but we'll see.
Today I took a "gentle" yoga class.
I am officially less flexible than a super overweight elderly man.
Awesome.
The class was weird, it was taught by Gail Simmons' twin sister and the girl on the mat next to me looked just like my mom's cousin.  Weird.  Not sure if I'll do that class again but maybe.