Unbelievably insulting

I'm on the treadmill today for week 7 day 1 of Couch to 5k.

I'm running for 25 minutes.

While I'm running the woman on the treadmill next to me signals for my attention.  She's older, maybe late 40s or early 50s.  She's been on her ipad walking on the treadmill since I got on mine.  She's been playing on Facebook and checking email, so sort of putzing around.  

When she catches my attention I've been running for about 15 minutes.  I'd actually just slowed to a walk because I had a cramp in my back that was making it impossible to breathe.  I took out my earbud and said, "I'm sorry, what was that?"

She said: "You have a lot of stamina... for someone... well... you know... like you."

How does one even respond to something like that?

I just said, "okay thanks" and focused on getting that cramp out of my back and picked up my run again after walking for two minutes.

I completed my 25 minute run, was thrilled to have run two miles in less than 30 minutes (including a 5 minute warm up so I kept a decent pace going) and made my way to get my kids out of the childwatch.

She came at me again.

"Um, can I talk to you again for a second?"

"Okay"

"Back there, I didn't mean to, I mean, I wasn't trying to be insulting.  It's just that I have a friend who is very overweight too and she isn't doing anything to help herself and you obviously are and she has a lot of health problems and it just is so sad when people who are heavy don't exercise but you're heavy and you are exercising and that's just really great, and boy I bet you wish I would just stop talking now but I just wanted to say that you know, I mean, it seems like you're working really hard because you're really sweating and your face is all red and..."

At this point I'm walking down the stairs incredulous that this grown woman continues flapping her gums, each word more insulting than the next

"and I mean, it's just that, you know, I was just trying to tell you you're doing a good job and it's not easy being heavy and you know, gosh, I"m just making it worse and you're probably ready for me to walk away."

I go to the car to get our pool gear and she keeps going, still talking but I have mercifully closed my ears and I don't hear anything she's saying.

You know what, I get it.  I am overweight.  I do struggle on my runs.  Running is hard, even at my incredibly slow pace.  13 minute miles won't win any races but you know what, it's the best I can do right now dammit so back off. 

There are plenty of people around me, friends, family, acquaintance who know I am watching what I eat and that I'm working out.  I go to the gym 6 days a week and exercise for a minimum of 45 minutes.  I know I have a lot of weight to lose.  Guess what folks, this has been a lifelong battle.  It started for me in the 6th grade when, upon seeing a very very fat woman walking near our school, John Schilling looked at me and said "you're going to look like her if you don't stop gaining weight." In high school I overheard two guys saying (one of whom I had a huge crush on ) that I would be so pretty if I wasn't so fat.  In college a guy friend's mom said she would want me to date her son except I was so heavy and didn't wear enough make up.  

I weighed 145lbs for both the high school and college comments (less in middle school, guessing around 130).  

145 pounds.  Today that's what I aspire to.  And today I have well meaning people around me saying they know "it's hard" when they haven't ever faced comments like these, had this much weight to lose or dealt with both under-active thyroid and PCOS both conspiring together to make losing a single ounce a major feat but gaining 10 pounds something that can be done overnight.

I grew up in a house where weight was a constant issue, diet was a constant topic of conversation.  It's exhausting and mentally, emotionally and spiritually draining.  

I am who I am no matter what the number on the scale says.

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  Very few people chose to be overweight.  We get that way through a series of choices, one after another until finally here we are, overweight and unhealthy.  Some people don't care.  Some people see the folly in their choices and try to break bad habits, make new ones and change things.  The fact is though, wherever you are in your life's journey, having family, friends and ladies on the next treadmill over be so insulting is a kick in the flabby gut.

I wish I had come up with a snappy comeback beyond "okay."

I wish I'd told her to mind her own business and get back to Facebook.

I wish I'd challenged her to a race.

All I can hope for now is that she'll know that her comments were unwelcome, unhelpful and hurtful and maybe next time she's next to a fatty out-running her on the treadmill she'll pick up her own pace and keep her mouth shut.

Thursday weigh-in

Have you missed my weigh-in reports?
Yea, well, I hate the scale.
This week.  -1.8 lbs.
But I'm still gigantic, so let's not get excited.
Let's get excited, instead, that we've joined a gym!  We joined initially for their pools, which are outdoor and awesome.  I don't really know how to do summer without a pool and so I've been incredibly happy.  When we joined I made it very clear to the family that I was joining for the pool and that the fact that they have gym equipment was nice but I just wasn't going to use it.
Well, they also have 2 hours of free child care and I've got those 5K and 10K goals.
So I've been exercising for more than an hour every day. 
Yep, that's right.
I'm feeling really good too.
I've signed up for a 5k next week and I think I'll do one at our local zoo in August then I'll do Race for the Cure in October.  I'm struggling to find a local 10k, but we'll see.
Today I took a "gentle" yoga class.
I am officially less flexible than a super overweight elderly man.
Awesome.
The class was weird, it was taught by Gail Simmons' twin sister and the girl on the mat next to me looked just like my mom's cousin.  Weird.  Not sure if I'll do that class again but maybe.

A rash of discoveries

Pardon the health-related (rather than craft-related) post but I want to share for anyone who may be searching for answers.
For the past several years anytime I would go out in the sun I would burn instantly and then develop an incredibly itchy rash all over my arms and especially at the tops of my legs.  The itch was incessant and every summer I would find myself coated in Calamine lotion and popping Benadryl to cope.  It didn't matter how long I was outside or what we were doing, the rash always reared its ugly head.  My solution was to simply press on but do as little as I can outside.  Unfortunately, I also feel strongly about spending summers by the pool, ocean or in the mountains.  By August I've usually been outside enough that the rash is an ever-present sort of horror show that I just accept as the price of being Julianna.
Now, Julianna, you may ask, what did the doctor or dermatologist say about the rash?  Of course, I never talked to an expert because, well, honestly, I hate being weighed at the doctor's office so I avoid going at all costs.  Even if that means an itchy rash.
I finally reached the point this summer though that the rash was itchy enough to make the weight humiliation worth it.  But I did one last Dr. Google search.
And I found my answer.
I googled:  "itchy rash every time I'm in the sun."
I came up with several sites that hinted at a sun-allergy.
Hm, that just doesn't even sound possible.
I found one girl on one health-forum who posted very similar symptoms and she recommended switching to a broad-spectrum oil-free sunscreen.
Well, folks, it works like a charm.
For the past two weeks rather than crafting or blogging I've been at the pool or the beach.  No rash.  None.  As a matter of fact, my skin is softer and smoother than ever.
WHUCK?
Yep.
So, moral of the story, itchy rash caused by sun exposure:  cure = switch to a broad-spectrum oil free sunscreen and you'll be enjoying summer rather than enduring it.
We've joined at a gym through August (another post about that coming up) and this gym has 3 amazing pools.  It's sweltering here in Charlotte but I actually find myself looking forward to the hot afternoons since we have a cool place to spend our time.
Sometimes life's not so bad.
(Ben Fold's fans know the next line)